Coping With Feelings

Managing Your Anger

Anger can be an underlyig cause of mental health issues. Learn what anger is; dangers of suppressed anger and steps toward managing anger.
What Is Anger?
Anger is a very powerful emotion that can stem from feelings of frustration, hurt, annoyance, or disappointment. It is a normal human emotion that can range from slight irritation to strong rage.
What Are the Dangers of Suppressed Anger?
Suppressed anger can be an underlying cause of anxiety and depression. Anger that is not appropriately expressed can disrupt relationships, affect thinking and behavior patterns, and create a variety of physical problems. Chronic (long-term) anger has been linked to health issues such as high blood pressure, heart problems, headaches, skin disorders and digestive problems. In addition, anger can be linked to problems such as crime, emotional and physical abuse, and other violent behavior.

What Steps Can I Take to Help Manage My Anger?

• When you start feeling angry, try deep breathing, positive self-talk, or stopping your angry thoughts. Breathe deeply from your diaphragm. Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax" or "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply until the anger subsides.
• Although expressing anger is better than keeping it in, anger should be expressed in an appropriate way. Frequent outbursts of anger are often counter-productive and cause problems in relationships with others. Anger outbursts are also stressful to your nervous and cardiovascular systems and can make health problems worse. Learning how to use assertiveness is the healthy way to express your feelings, needs and preferences. Being assertive can be used in place of using anger in these situations.
• Seek out the support of others. Talk through your feelings and try to work on changing your behaviors.
• If you have trouble realizing when you are having angry thoughts, keep a log of when you feel angry.
• Try to gain a different perspective by putting yourself in another's place.
• Learn how to laugh at yourself and see humor in situations.
• Practice good listening skills. Listening can help improve communication and can facilitate trusting feelings between people. This trust can help you deal with potentially hostile emotions.
• Learn to assert yourself, expressing your feelings calmly and directly without becoming defensive, hostile or emotionally charged up. Seek help from a life coach or an anger management expert to learn how to use assertiveness and anger management skills.
  
  What Else Can I Do to Deal With My Anger in a Healthy Way?
  If you believe that your anger is out of control and is having a negative affect on your life and relationships, seek the help of a mental health professional. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you to develop techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior. A mental health professional can help you to deal with your anger in an appropriate way. Choose your therapist carefully and make sure to seek treatment from a professional who is trained to teach anger management and assertiveness skills.

Positive Affirmations to Create Prosperity

AFFIRMATIONS

• All my hard work is bringing results now.
• Good things are happening to me because I am connecting with the Universe.
• I am embracing my success today and feel full joy.
• I am totally positive about my prosperity now.
• I am letting go of fear of success now.
• I am connected to the Universe and I am hearing YES.
• I love being rich, it is okay to be rich, I deserve to be rich.

IS THERE A TREATMENT FOR ANOREXIA, Published in Times Review

IS THERE A TREATMENT FOR ANOREXIA
Published in Times Review
Dear Eugenia,
My daughter is 19 years old and she has me very worried over her weight. She gained some extra weight rather quickly when she entered puberty and since a couple of years ago she went on a strict diet to lose the weight. The bad part is that she lost the weight but is still continuing to diet. She picks at her food and eats a few bites of salad. Other times she secretly eats a lot of chips, pizza, or donuts and she then makes herself throw up in the bathroom so she won’t gain weight. She is very thin but she thinks she is fat. I don’t understand what’s going on. Our family doctor says that if she continues like this, she will need to go to the hospital for treatment. Can she get better?
“Desperate Mother”

Dear Desperate,
Your daughter has a disorder that is called Anorexia Nervosa (lack of desire to eat due to a mental condition). In our youth-oriented society, where the words beautiful and thin are often interchangeable, young girls like your daughter tend to be preoccupied with their appearance and they constantly focus on their weight. Your daughter started out gaining weight which was unsettling to her, and led her to become scared of being overweight and fat. In her desire to become thin and stay thin, she began to starve herself, binge secretly and purge the food in order not to gain any weight. Just like anyone with anorexia, she has not lost her appetite in fact she longs to eat. Anorexics usually obsess and dream about foods, some of them even at times eat uncontrollably. Patients in treatment who are anorexic tell us that they spend 70-85 percent of time daily thinking about food, creating menus, baking, feeding family or friends, worrying about what to eat next, bingeing on food and purging to get rid of food eaten. Your daughter is afraid of food and afraid of herself. In her determination to lose weight however she continued and progressed in developing a morbid fear of gaining back any lost weight. She became determined to stay thin at all costs. Like all anorexics, she has a distorted body image (thinks she is fat). To her, gaining weight means being weak, undisciplined and unworthy. Dieting becomes “a safe place to go”, that helps her cope with low self-esteem, failure, dissatisfaction, or the need to be unique, to be special, a success and in control. The good news is that there is hope for your daughter. She should see a physician to assess her physical condition. She should also start seeing an experienced counselor who is specifically trained in eating disorders, for individual and group therapy. The counselor could work with the physician and a nutritionist as a team. Being a recovered anorexic/bulimic myself, I treat individuals with eating disorders by following a course that includes educational insight, allowing the patient to correct faulty thought patterns to regulate one’s tensions and moods among others. Once the patient has internalized his/her abilities and has gained new skills, he/she no longer needs to get into self-destructive behaviors (using food) to meet his/her needs, soothe emotions and feel in control. The individual will have learned new tools to go on with life.

MOM DOESN'T SHOW LOVE

DEAR EUGENIA:
I am almost 13 years old and the oldest of three children. I have had this problem for some time now and my best friend told me to write to you. My mom and dad were divor¬ced when I was ten years old. My brother, my sister, and I went to live with my dad, because my mom did not want custody of us kids. My problem is that my mom hardly ever sees us. When she does, she shows more attention to my brother and sister and I feel left out. We always end up getting into an argument and I start crying and go hide. Eugenia, sometimes when I think about my mother I feel like she doesn't care about me. I hurt inside and I get headaches before I go to visit her. Are there other kids with my problem? My mom reads the paper and if you write me back she will prob¬ably read your answer. , This is for my mom; "I love you mother and I wish we were all back together again." Thank you for listening,"Want my mom back"
DEAR "Want mom back" You are a brave little girl to put your feelings in a letter. I admire your courage and your desire to want to be close to your mother. Have you talked with her about any of this? She will need to be told by you, so she can decide to change her ways toward you. Divorce is not easy for kids or for parents. Grown-ups often assume that being a child must be easier than being an adult. They too can be sad and lonely. Your letter tells me that you are very capable in talking about the way you feel. You also seem to carry inside you some sadness about your parents' divorce. You may want to talk to your school counselor and tell her what you told me. A counselor can then help you and your mother on how to talk to each other calmly and build a good relationship between the two of you. Your letter is special and I know other kids will read it too. You may want to cut it out and give it to your mother to read. Good luck to you. Eugenia