A LETTER TO A FATHER

Question: Dear Dr. Andrews,
I am a 13 year old, and I have a younger brother and younger sister. May dad, when his is home from work, spends most of his time on the patio smoking. My mother and my sister are allergic to smoking. The rest of the family does not like the smell of cigarettes either. I am very sad that my dad smokes.He reads your column, so I would like him to know the reasons why I wish for him to stop smoking.
1. Dad, sometimes I feel you prefer smoking better than your own family.
2. I wish you would spend time not smoking but with all of us.
3. I worry about your health. You are always tired, out of breath and look older
than you really are. I'm afraid you may die from heart trouble or lung cancer
and I cry when I think this can happen to you.
4. Your smoking causes you and Mom to argue, and we all are very unhappy when
the two of you don't get along. We want to live in a happy family.
5. Cigarettes cost money, and you work hard on your job. Event then, we cannot
afford many extras. I feel as though you are taking away from yourself and
from all of us.Dad, you are a good person, and I think if you decide to quit
smoking and you ask God for help, he will give it to you.

Dad, I hope you will read these reasons and think about what I've said to you.
Love,Your Daughter

Answer: Your letter to your father was beautiful. I could feel your caring and the deep concern you have for him. I encourage you to tell your father that you love him and care about him, as you've said in your letter. Please avoid nagging, or threatening, they will not help him to make a decision to stop smoking.I want to that you for writing to me.You speak for many children, who have the same wish for a loved one as you do for your dad. I have included in this column some facts about smoking, based on information published by the American Cancer Society, that could be helpful to your father.

If you are thinking of quitting smoking here are some things to consider:

1. It's not as hard as you think to remove this addiction from your life.
2. Don't look at it as if you are giving up something. This makes it seem too much
like a loss. What you are really doing is tossing something out of your life that
has done you harm and doesn't belong here anymore.
3. Set a date. Make a commitment. Give it a try. Remember, it is alright if you don't
succeed at first. Just keep trying. The only way you can lose is by ceasing to try.
4. Always keep a positive attitude. After all, this is one of the most positive things
you've ever done. Stay away from negative people and worrisome situations.
5. Quit for yourself. Even though your family and loved ones will benefit
tremendously from your quitting, it is you that will benefit the most. Have at
lease two reasons that you want to stop smoking.
6. Treat giving up smoking with the respect it rightly deserves. Become willing to
go to any lengths to remove it from your life. If you are not willing, try praying
for the willingness. This usually works.
7. Consider getting some support from a professional who understands nicotine
addiction.
8. Clinical Hypnosis, Auricular acupuncture, and E.F.T. (Emotional Freedom
Technique) are most effective treatments to help you stop the smoking habit,
because they focus on the psychological and the physiological factors of the
addiction as well.
9. Keep in mind, that desire to be a non smoker, is the key to your success.

Eugenia Andrews,
Ph.D.Psychologist, Hypnotherapist, Life/Business Coach

Tips on How to Get Balance in Our Lives

1. Give up the Myth of Perfect Balance: Work - Life - Private Time.
2. Focus on three things that matter most to you.
3. Be open to the possibilities in life.
4. Reflect on how you spend your time and make adjustments as needed.
5. Acknowledge that your focus may change with time.

Succeed in Getting Balance in Your Life Today

• Learn to say "NO" to family members and anyone else. remember that NO is "ON" spelled backwards and you don't always have to be "ON". The courage to say NO will give you strength and renew your energy to feel "ON". Saying NO will free you to say YES when it's truly your heart's desire.
• Be open to change (s) in your life.
• Aim for reasonable balance for the long term. You will be healthier, happier, less hurried and so will the people around you.

Take Time for Yourself

Inner Balance / Spirituality

• Take time to be alone, to just think.
• To renew your energy.
• To nurture yourself.
• To help your mind, body and spirit move toward balance.
• To be at peace with yourself.
• Ask yourself: What have I always wanted to do just for me?

If You are Stressed and Trying NOT to Smoke

Relaxercise to stay calm think about something that makes you feel good. Relax your shoulders. Close your mouth and inhale through your nose as slowly and deeply as you can. Hold your breath while you count to four, keeping your shoulders relaxed. Exhale slowly, letting our all the air from your lungs, as if you were blowing out a candle. Repeat this inhale - exhale cycle five times.

Change Your Thoughts, Lose Weight

1. Even though I crave sweets, when I feel (angry, lonely, tired, anxious, depressed, frustrated, scared), I deeply and completely love and accept myself. (Repeat 3 times)
2. Whenever I have a craving for fattening foods, I choose to be peacefully in control of those cravings. (Repeat 3 times)
3. Whenever I have a thought for fattening foods, I choose to let go and let God / Universe. Thank you God / Universe. (Repeat 3 times)

Positive Attitude: It can change your life

• Understand the Power of Attitude
• Take Charge of Your Life
• Identify the Attitudes that Hold You Back or Push You Forward
• Reframe Your Negative Attitude
• Discover How to Motivate Yourself
• Be Prepared for Crisis or Opportunity
• Find Your Purpose and Passion
• Learn to See Change as An Opportunity
• Build Supportive Relationships
• Enjoy the Journey

Quick Stop Smoking Tips

Creative Alternatives to Smoking

If you are bored and trying not to smoke:

• Hold a fake cigarette, for example, cut up straws
• Take a walk
• Do a puzzle
• Doodle
• Exercise
• Chew Gum
• Call a friend
• Work on a hobby
• See a movie
• Eat a low calorie snack
• Give yourself a manicure/pedicure
• Make a list of things to do
• Read a newspaper
  

Success Strategy

Successful people tackle the unpleasant tasks first.

This, too, shall pass away

Time is a great healer. This is especially true in the case of the loss of a loved one.
Solomon wrote that: "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven...a time to die;...and a time to heal;... a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance" (Ecclesiastes 3:1-4).
Emotional healing will occur. A time to sing, a time to laugh and a time to dance will return.

Realize Your Dreams

The SECRET teaches us,
To powerfully intend to attract something small. Starting with something as small as the desire to have a steaming cup of coffee, or to get a parking space in a crowded parking lot. This is an easy way to experience the Law of Attraction in action. Visualize it, believe it's coming to you and you will have it. As you experience the inner power you have to attract, you will move on to creating much bigger things in your life and realizing your dreams.

STOP SMOKING - What are the symptoms of nicotine addiction?

Answer the following questions as honestly as you can:

1. Do you smoke every day?
2. Do you smoke because of shyness and to build self-confidence?
3. Do you smoke to escape from boredom and worries while under pressure?
4. Have you ever burned a hole in your clothes, carpet, furniture or car?
5. Have you ever had to go to the store late at night or at another inconvenient time because you were out of cigarettes?
6. Do you feel defensive or angry when people tell you that your cigarette smoke is bothering them?
7. Has a doctor or dentist suggested that you stop smoking?
8. Have you promised someone that you would stop smoking, then broken your promise?
9. Have you felt physical or emotional discomfort when trying to quit?
10. Have you successfully stopped smoking for a period of time only to start again?
11. Do you buy extra supplies of tobacco to make sure you won't run out?
12. Do you find it difficult to imagine life without smoking?
13. Do you choose only activities and entertainments such that you can smoke during them?
14. Do you prefer, seek out or feel more comfortable in the company of smokers?
15. Do you inwardly despise or feel ashamed of yourself because of your smoking?
16. Do you ever find yourself lighting up without having consciously deciding to?
17. Has your smoking caused trouble at home or in a relationship?
18. Do you ever tell yourself that you can stop smoking whenever you want to?
19. Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you didn't smoke?
20. Do you continue to smoke even thought you are aware of the health hazards posed by smoking?

If you answered "yes" to more than two of these questions, there is a chance that you are addicted or becoming addicted to nicotine. If you answered "yes" to three or more, you are probably already addicted to nicotine.

VARIOUS WAYS TO SUCCESSFULLY BEAT THE HABIT:

• Hypnotherapy
• E.F.T. (Emotional Freedom Technique)
• Acupuncture
• NeuroLinguistic Programming
• Cognitive therapy
• Cold Turkey
• Self Help Groups (Smoke Enders or Nicotine Anonymous among others)

DAILY DECLARATIONS KEY TO RESOLUTION SUCCESS

Dear Eugenia,
Every year I make my new year’s resolutions but for some reason I never have any success in sticking with them. This year I would like to put exercise into my daily routine and quit smoking. In the past I lost my enthusiasm quickly and I was back where I started, which made me feel like a failure.
Are other people successful in their resolutions, and could you give me some suggestions on how to realize mine.
I want to stop feeling disappointed in myself.
“Success in 2009”

Dear “Success”,
I think it’s great that you want to take better care of yourself as your new year’s resolutions reflect. Many people all over the world use this time of year to “take inventory” of how their lives have been in the past year, assess the things they’d planned to do and did, and come to the realization that there were still some things they did not accomplish. This realization, often puts some pressure on everyone, and it could lead to the individuals renewing their resolutions for the New Year much too quickly. Frequently, disappointment and a sense of failure give way to renewed hope that a new beginning could perhaps be made with the start of the New Year. You must know that you are not alone in having difficulty keeping your New Year’s resolutions. Research tells us that only about 40% of the people who make them are able to keep them on the first attempt. The rest make several attempts and many often will succeed on the fifth or sixth attempt. The following are some suggestions to help you succeed this year:

1. Make the decision to make a change for you and no one else.
2. A strong commitment to your goal is very important.
3. Start taking action today. One does not achieve change by thinking about it but by doing
something.
4. Take small steps daily, e.g., when it comes to losing weight, start walking 10 minutes every
day or eat half the portion of a meal that you would eat otherwise.
5. Have realistic expectations for yourself. It is truly amazing how being realistic about our
goals does not overwhelm us and produces amazing results.
6. Avoid being critical of yourself if you slip. Keep in mind that change is a process and it takes
time.
7. Be consistent. Through the accumulation of small actions we get big results.
8. We all want fast changes but we shouldn’t underestimate the factor of time. Changes require
us to be patient.
9. Make a list with coping strategies and several names of people who can be your support
system in your quest to lose weight and stop smoking. You might even find someone to do
this together with and you can motivate each other.
10. Never frame your resolutions as absolutes by saying “I will never do this again.” Success is
a process of changing all habits.
As the well-known football player and coach, Jim Ryan put it, “Motivation is what gets us started. Habit is what keeps us going.” Get into action today with small, consistent steps and before you know it, you’ll be meeting your goals.